Why Real Love Requires Self Love

MAIN QUOTE

“We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves.” ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?” Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who don’t know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Music Video of the 1980’s with Randy Newman
Video Rating: 4 / 5

Why Real Love Requries Honesty

MAIN QUOTE

A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about “Why Men Cheat” on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harvey’s basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasn’t Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) What’s Happening at Home Isn’t Happening Like it Used To. 5) There’s Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasn’t got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So far, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasn’t set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course — love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 – 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.

Which is why when I read this in Harvey’s book I decided I couldn’t disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a man’s cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this “if we care about you. But, if not — if a man doesn’t see you fitting into his life plan — he won’t even bother with all of the covering up.” WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman won’t cheat, but let’s clear this up right now! Le’t not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple We’re afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We don’t love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, it’s between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isn’t very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? It’s simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply don’t want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We don’t want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share another quote, We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I don’t expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, “What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with?” Then, ask this, “What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?”

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesn’t hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesn’t hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out about lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above — for yourself and the people around you.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Music video by Haddaway performing What Is Love. (C) 2010 Razor & Tie
Video Rating: 4 / 5

Related Love Articles

Laugh and Love your Dog

I found a rugged quartz crystal in our garden yesterday and brought it to my writing table, to gaze at its beauty and reveal its mystery as I write, like gazing into a crystal ball.

The five crystals in the center of it are perfect, in their own wild way, like the days I spent in total conflict with myself, with society and the world.

It brings to mind one of my favorite Alphia stories, my golden German Shepard Collie of the 1960’s, the pre-Funk commune years, occurring several months after the communal caravan arrived in San Francisco.

We found our large Victorian house after several weeks of illegal camping around the jagged Pacific shore hideaways and in the many untamed parks for which the city is famous.

The caravan people had remained disgruntled in spite of the constant dog/God guidance surrounding us.

A chasm developed between those who wanted to join the ranks of the work-a-day world, and the four of us who went on to establish the Funky Farm community and knew that going to work was antithetical to living creatively by the seat of our pants.

I had come to a place within myself where I needed to live outside of the mainstream, established 9-5 ho-hum I’m beaten down, kill me now style of existence I imagined my father ascribing to for his thirty-five working years, at the same place, doing the same job, everyday. I’d think of an exhilarating alternative, bet on that.

My life as a rip off artist now began in earnest.

One day, I took Alphia Lee for a walk in Golden Gate park. A squirrel distracted her from the beloved stick, and damn it if she didn’t run in front of a fast moving car. She crawled back to the side of the road.

I remember crying and kneeling beside her, going over her body, getting a sense of how badly she was hurt. A car pulled over and a young man asked to take me where ever I wished to go.

He had an old blanket and we carefully laid her on it.

Then he drove Alphia and me to the big rambling Victorian house that was our temporary abode.

We prepared a bed for her with old blankets and rags.

She’d look at us with a forlorn Muki eye, the dog who joined me 28 years later to show me true love.

That look inspired me to slip into the meat department of a local Safeway, and steal one steak a day for her, and for her only.

Then we’d sit with her for hours, stroking her neck and body and encouraging her to come back to us.

The long intimate times we spent with her were patient and happy. We did not desperately plead with her to live rather than die. Rather, we coaxed her gently, showing her our love, and gave her the great option of living with a handful of rogues completely alienated from society.

She opted to spend a few more years with us in our experiment of living–dangerously.

Love is real, real is love.
Video Rating: 4 / 5

Find More Love Articles

Channel for Love

I just saved a Bull Frog in the cistern we are restoring in our 100 year old barn. She is a beautiful creature and has lived there for for perhaps more than a year. But since we are about to do some heavy duty construction on the barn’s foundation, I needed to go down through a very narrow hole to retrieve her.

I grabbed her with two hands and looked into her eyes before placing her in a plastic jar to hand to Tom, my husband, who had created a large pool for her in the basement.

A Saint Francis moment, indeed.

Saint Francis moments abound here on Blue Heron Farm, which we call this beautiful place.

We live on the meandering Conestoga River, bringing geese, heron, ducks and bird life to us in abundance. And Frogs, of course.

We have deer friends who are secure here after our eighteen years of residency.

One friend in particular is a deep brown color and we plant a tomato garden for her and her family every year.

She stands and looks at us in the early spring each year as if to say: Hey! Don’t forget to plant my garden!!

Humans are not the most trustworthy species as far as deer are concerned.

The fifth aphorism of Pananjali states: “When a person is steadfast in his abstention from harming others, then all living creatures will cease to feel enmity in his presence.”

The deer, racoons, geese, frogs and heron all use our property as a refuge.

They know they are safe and we marvel in their company.

Hanging out with these creatures of God-ess reminds me of Saint Francis and what I call the Saint Francis effect.

My dogs are the recipient of great love in what they teach us in this life time: unconditional love, forgiveness, and great patience in the face of human foible.

The greatest book ever written about Saint Francis is called: “God’s Pauper: St. Francis of Assisi” by Nikos Kazantzakis, author of Zorba the Greek.

The book was out of print for many years but then was re-published in paperback in 1999. I got a copy as soon as I heard about it, circa 2002.

Reading the book transports consciousness to a mystical perspective.

The prologue of the book serves as an example:

“If I have omitted many of Francis’s sayings and deeds and if I have altered others, and added still others which did not take place but which might have taken place, I have done so not out of ignorance or impudence or irreverence, but from a need to match the Saint’s life with his myth, bringing that life as fully into accord with its essence as possible.

“Art has its right, and not only the right but the duty to subject everything else to its essence. It feeds upon the story, then assimilates it slowly, cunningly, and turns it into legend.

“While writing this legend which is truer than truth itself, I was overwhelmed by love, reverence and admiration for Francis, the hero and great martyr. Often large tears smudged the manuscript; often a hand hovered before me in the air, a hand with an eternally-renewed wound: someone seemed to have driven a nail through it, seemed to be driving a nail through it for all eternity.

“Everywhere about me, as I write, I sensed the Saint’s invisible presence; because for me, Saint Francis is the model of the dutiful man, the man who by means of ceaseless, supremely cruel struggle, succeeds in fulfilling our highest obligation, something higher even than morality or truth or beauty: the obligation to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusted to us and turn it into spirit.” Nikos Kazantzakis

Do we all have this same obligation? to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusts to us and turn it into spirit?

Only Nikos Kazantzakis could or would ask that question and have us wonder if we, too, can rise to this test of human potential?

Communing with the animals of Mother Nature these last eighteen years continues to be a spiritual practice: of being riveted in present moment reality, of experiencing compassion and love for all creatures great and small, and in these spaces of infinite awareness, we perceive the fragile preciousness of this world and beyond.

The Saint Francis statue which beautifies the flower garden is also a reminder of this fragile balance.

The Bullfrog in her new home typifies many more hours of grace as we care for her. The dogs know she is here to stay, probably knew this long before I did.

The Saint Francis effect is now clear. All of these years of animal communication and sharing the land and our home, and reading Nikos Kazantzakis’s words today, has simplified this.

As we look to the Saints and in this case, Saint Francis for guidance, we are automatically transforming matter into spirit.

God-ess has entrusted this beautiful planet to us, our families, homes, our very lives; may we care and love and transform all of it and ask the infinite realms, which surround us at all times, to help us remember their guiding presence and to learn to access it the moment we ask.

May we know that these wishes are granted ceaselessly.

Song And Lyrics – - – - – - Copyright Stuff Song: Black Eyed Peas – Where is the love I OWN NOTHING – - – - – - **Click On Name For Requests**
Video Rating: 4 / 5

More Love Articles

Love Itself

We’ve all heard this before: Fear is the opposite of love and faith. Fear is a good indicator that we’re not living in the present moment and we’ve forgotten to seek out solitude.

I had a friend once who was driven to get rid of fear in his and his familie’s life to such an extent that he took his family up in a private plane, ignoring the pleas of his 8 year old daughter not to go, and crashed into the side of a mountain in Northern California.

They were instantly killed.

We were doing river rafting trips together down the Klamath River. This was his summer business and I worked with and for him.

He was consumed by the need to get rid of all fear. I could not grasp this concept nor get into his enthusiasm for this goal. And when all 4 of these wonderful people met an untimely death, I began to see fear as a teacher in life. It exists in all of our lives for a reason.

The elimination of inner fear is worthy of our focus. I believe my friend became confused about what kind of fear could or could not be dealt with by self-will or god/ess will.

Resistance to life is the #1 fear I am working on, for instance. I am a night person and resist getting out of bed every single day.

I go to a conference every Wednesday morning. High ranking doctors and residents attend these. I always perceive them to be arrogant and unfriendly.

So I resist going there, but go, anyway.

I began to figure out that if I get rid of the resistance, and embrace what is and make peace of mind my only goal in life, then there will be a break through with all this resistance.

Today, I actively concentrated on the antidote to fear–Love and Enthusiasm for the new day. I got out of bed, did my meditation and duties with an inner sense of optimism.

I got to the conference and authentically felt good natured towards every one there. I smiled. One of the doctors who never seemed to like me, greeted me like a long lost comrade.

I sat next to the department head of OB/Gyn and greeted her as a dear friend.

I purposely beamed love to everyone in the room. When a negative or judgmental thought arose about anyone there, I immediately relinquished this to god/ess.

“The love (god/christ/buddha/krishna/allah) within me blesses that which is within you.”

Another fear antidote is the practice of Ho’oponopono. The simplicity of it makes it very easy to remember. The phrases: I love you, Thank you, Please forgive me and I am sorry are inwardly chanted at all times.

Drs Len and Vitale, co-authors of “Zero Limits” about Ho’oponopono as a spiritual practice, have simplified the practice even further to the one phrase: I love you.

However, I also always say thank you because of the power of gratitude, also a fear busting agent.

I cannot explain how this works, only that it does. Inwardly chanting these phrases in whatever order (or no order) cures insomnia, anxiety, fear, depression and feelings of alienation.

Simple practices such as Ho’oponopono bring peace to the birth and death beds as well as the sick bed. When the nurse or healer is calm then everything around her is at peace.

Ho’oponopono is a tool to use at all times, as mentioned, but in times of conflict, miscommunication or emergency, this practice serves a great purpose. The practice may even prevent further trauma, chaos or death.

Or if death is inevitable, a peaceful death will manifest.

This practice or the spiritual practice of your choice creates happy and balanced days. Every moment is an opportunity for spiritual growth.

As long as I align my center of focus on Love, fear and resistance vanishes.

After my friend and his family perished in the airplane crash, I wrote stories about my friendship with him. I wrote letters to him explaining how much I loved him and his beautiful family.

One day soon after I wrote my story, my niece and I pulled up next to a car at a red light.

The driver of that car looked over at us. It looked just like our friend.

He smiled broadly and looked happy and other worldly. We both saw an illuminated quality around his head.

Then he took off as he waved a goodbye.

My niece and I said: “Did you see that?”

We compared notes and we both saw him the same way–as a fearless and illuminated light being.

So we both were able to let him go.

We knew that his own death finally conquered the fear he was resisting.

We also were fearless about death, as a result.

Thank You for all who leave great comments. I appreciate your comments. I’m glad to have made this video. Thank you for watching. LYRICS: L is for the way you look at me O is for the only one I see V is very, very extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you adore can Love is all that I can give to you Love is more than just a game for two Two in love can make it Take my heart and please don’t break it Love was made for me and you (trumpet instrumental) L is for the way you look at me O is for the only one I see V is very, very extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you adore can Love is all that I can give to you Love is more than just a game for two Two in love can make it Take my heart and please don’t break it Love was made for me and you Love was made for me and you Love was made for me and you

Related Love Articles

2:27 IN THE MORNING EPIPHANY
Video Rating: 5 / 5

trynna inspire da girlsz who are considered “ova weight” and who ARE love yoself have confidence! :]
Video Rating: 4 / 5

THE 5 HOTTEST DATING SITES: Finding Sex, Romance & Lifelong Love Online – the most popular, user-friendly and safest relationship sites

What are the Hottest Dating Sites today? Where are couples finding sizzling success?

As a therapist, I’ve seen some fantastic happy endings with online dating. And some tremendous failures.

As a consultant with WUVING.com, I’ve certainly see where the successes are coming from. Here are WUVING’s pick of the TOP 5 Hottest Dating Sites…

We at WUVING have been involved in the Dating and Relationship scene long enough now that we have found the very best Dating sites – and have witnessed some of the worst.

Our mission statement at WUVING from the very beginning was to bring to people the very friendsearch, best in expert relationship advice and in dating services.

With the help of some of the most savvy relationship experts around, we believe that we have accomplished just that.

We have been able to recommend the most popular, user-friendly and safest sites to our visitors. And here they are:

>> #1 – FriendSearch

Started in 1996, FriendSearch is one of the world’s oldest and largest online dating services. With over 15 million photo personals, and thousands of singles flocking to join everyday, you’re sure to find the love of your life.

Signup for free, and enjoy unlimited contact with other singles near you using 1-on-1 private chat and anonymous emails. View 1000s of sexy picture personals ads daily!

CanadianFriendSearch.com is a large Canadian online dating site, part of the FriendSearch network, which offers millions of photo profiles of men seeking women, women seeking men, men seeking men and women seeking women for friendship, relationship, dating, or love! Includes Christian singles and Canadian personals.

>> #2 – BBW Cupid

BBWCupid.com – Single BBW, BBW dating – Unlimited access to all the single BBW and BHM seeking dating, friendship, love and marriage. Find your big and beautiful lady right here today!

Are you a full-bodied woman? BBWCupid is the place you’ll want to be – they’re warm, welcoming and wuving! Big girls have more fun!

Meet BBWs from Canada, America & Worldwide. Join Free for bbw, bhm and plus sized singles personals, singles dating and friendship…

>> #3 – Amo Latina

Find your Latin Love at Amo Latina – the Latin Dating Site. Marry a beautiful Latina woman with great personality. Find love and romance with Latina women. Find a Latin bride and have the relationship you’ve always wanted. View profile, photos, video and webcam chat with gorgeous Latin women!

>> #4 – SexyAds

Are you sexy? SexyAds is for adult men and women who think they are! Whether you’re looking for a long term relationship, casual sex partner or simply for a lot of online fun in the chatrooms and videochat we want to be your new online home. SexyAds has one of the best Seniors/Mature/Baby Boomer sections anywhere.

“Can we be trusted? Don’t take our word for it, read the testimonials. They are ALL written by active SexyAds members that you can contact and ask if they wrote it. We’ve got nothing to hide, I promise!

“SexyAds was one of the very first adult dating sites on the net. We met through a personal ad on the net in 1994 and created SexyAds for people like us – older, and determined that our next relationship would include passion and intimacy.” If you feel the same way, Join Now For Free…

>> #5 – Dating Passions

Sensuality and passion are often understated and under expressed. We now have an avenue for you to be yourself and lift any inhibitions you might have with datingpassions.com. Dating Passions is a site where you can meet with others who share your same passions and pleasures. Few are truly passionate and sensual. Know that there are those out there just like you waiting to be touched.

Signup for free, and enjoy unlimited contact with other passionate souls near you using 1-on-1 private chat and anonymous emails. View 1000s of sexy picture personals ads daily.

To see the full list, go to The 10 Hottest Dating Sites – Finding Sex, Romance or Lifelong Love Online

- Kate

Cupid is Spreading the Love at Lovebingo.co.uk!

UK ONLINE BINGO – (Articlesbase) 19th May, 2008 — Hello lovely bingo players, I’m Leo, the Love Bingo Cupid and I just wanted to tell you all about the fantastic new Lovebingo.co.uk site that’s got great Online Bingo Games huge jackpots and lots of fun side games and chat games!

When I’m not flying around shooting my magical arrows to match the Love Bingo players to great prizes, I’m updating the Love Bingo Blog or I’m updating my Facebook, Myspace and Bebo Profiles. I would love to get to know all of you much better, so if you’re on one of these social networks, then please look me up! I go under the name of Leo Cupid, since that’s my name hehe!

Anyway enough about me, let me tell you more about the great opening promotions at Love Bingo that will make you go

If you’re feeling like you should give Love Bingo a try, which you should because it’s great fun, then you can! For FREE!

Every new player who signs up can get 10 FREE Games, completely free without having to make a deposit. Or if you join on Penny Bingo Thursdays, you can get 100 FREE Games!

Also, with this being a very special launch month, when you register with Love Bingo you will automatically receive one entry into a prize draw to win a £500 Red Letter Days Holiday!

So, if you’ve spent your FREE money and you want to play more then, then be rest assured that we have some fantastic offers for all you lovely depositing Love Bingo Players. Visit Love Bingo for more details!

That’s about all I want to say at the moment, I could talk for hours about how great Love Bingo is, but then I would be keeping you from playing and enjoying it for yourself!

So go now, play today and join the fun at Lovebingo.co.uk.

See you all soon,

Love

Leo the Love Bingo Cupid xXx

Profile:

Name: Leo Cupid

Born: Cloud 9, Heaven

Age: It’s a mystery

Favourite Song: Love is in the Air

Favourite Film: City of Angels

Favourite Place: In my cosy room, playing on Love Bingo

Favourite Game: BINGO, BINGO, BINGO and BINGO

Height: 3ft 2 inches

Build lump, with large white wings

Flying Speed: Depends how much food I’ve eaten!

Attire: Cupid Pants- Purple

Accessories: Magical Bow and Arrow

Hair: Blonde, Curly and Fabulous!

Enigma – Principles of Lust B.FInd Love C. Sadeness Reprise music video from MCMXC aD The Complete Video album
Video Rating: 4 / 5

More “find Love” Articles

A few “find love” products I can recommend:

How To Find Your True Love.
In This Groundbreaking, Phenominal Book, Chris Benson Shows You How And Why You Truly Cannot Fail To Find Your True Love If You Follow This Simple, Proven Program…because Its Foundations Are Based In Real Solid Science. A Must Have For All Singletons.
How To Find Your True Love.

Love Spells.
Magic Love Spells For Everyone! Great Conversion Rate!
Love Spells.

Feeling Lonely? Find Your True Love Today! Dating Advice For Women.
Women Who Are Tired Of Being Lonely, Exhausted With The Dating Scene And Ready For The Real Relationship They Desire Come To Http://MyTrueLoveToday.com For The Proven Guide On How To Find True Love Today! A No Nonsense Manual And Incredible Bonuses!
Feeling Lonely? Find Your True Love Today! Dating Advice For Women.

Check out these “latina women” products:

Make Women Laugh And Fall In Love.
Secrets Of Attracting Women With Humor. Results Guaranteed. Recommended By Experts. Extremely High Conversion Rate.
Make Women Laugh And Fall In Love.

How To Meet, Attract And Date Beautiful Women.
Step-by-step Book Will Teach You How To Successfully Meet, Attract And Date Beautiful Women! Get All The Women You Can Handle! Dating Hot Beautiful Women & All The Gorgeous Girls You Want, Is Now Easier Than Ever With This Incredible Ebook!
How To Meet, Attract And Date Beautiful Women.

Organization Of Work At Home Women.
The Organization Of Work At Home Women Is A Tightly Knit Group Of Intelligent And Caring Individuals Whom All Work Together With The Common Goal Of Your Success. All Customers Get A 60 Day Money Back Guarantee. Affiliates Get Paid For Life.
Organization Of Work At Home Women.