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How Loneliness, Faulty Logic and Convenience Destroyed Three Super Brains
Franklin was a lonely guy. He was reasonably handsome, very intelligent and witty. But lonely. He had a string of pedigree degrees and a never ending resume. People liked him and he was especially charming in a group. He had what many would call charisma. But lonely.
Poor Franklin had gone through a spirit crushing divorce that left him bruised and battered. The worst of it was she left him for another man. His ego was in a black hole and he felt the only way he could get back out was to find another woman. Some men really need women and Franklin was one of those men. He desperately needed a woman. Desperately.
Finally he had lunch with a colleague who tells Franklin he’s just going about it all wrong. Odd that there always seems to be an overabundance of colleagues available to point out your faults.
Franklin abruptly sees the light. Franklin’s friend tells him he shouldn’t be thinking about American women as they are all jaded and hate men and are always starting arguments and are always keeping some silly scorecard. Franklin thought that sounded a lot like his ex.
Franklin’s sure cure was to get a foreign woman that would do what he said, be loyal and end his agonizing loneliness. A good Latina, Indian or maybe Oriental woman would do nicely. How could Franklin lose? Besides, most men knew that Oriental and Latina women age very well.
Way over on the other side of the world a very pretty Maria de Jesus was waiting for our man Franklin. Well, maybe not exactly for Franklin but someone like Franklin. Actually, the truth was she was waiting for anyone like Franklin.
So when the Get Close Internet Dating Service called her she had already paid her fees and was ready to go. She had been packed for months. 10 days later Franklin shows up and it was love and desperation at first sight. Franklin was overwhelmed.
Maria de Jesus immediately agreed to follow him back to his lonely California. He was readily accepted into the family and Franklin was surprised at how quickly her parents approved of him and thought maybe it was his natural charm. Right.
Franklin’s second biggest surprise came later when his new love invited him on a date to Bellagio in Las Vegas. The surprise came when she told him to dress up and they went to a wedding chapel and were married. What could Franklin say? It must be love, no? I do. I do. I sure the heck hope I do?
One week later Maria de Jesus began proceedings to bring her extended family to California one by one. That was nine relatives ago. Now she is on first name basis with everyone at the Consulate. And poor Franklin wishes he was lonely again.
I wonder what would have happened if Franklin had met Melinda.
I often think Melinda’s goofiness came from hanging around too many of the criminally insane types she counseled; the ‘I was bored so I killed ma and pa’ types. Or the types ‘She wouldn’t shut up so I just duct taped her up real good.’ All Melinda’s patients were handcuffed for very good reasons.
In her early forties Melinda developed a ‘lazy eye’; a condition where one eye isn’t up to strength with the other. Melinda looked sort of goofy anyway so the lazy eye made her look even more so. The lazy eye had even started to droop a bit and she was beginning to look like some of her hard core patients.
The prescribed treatment was to wear an eye patch over the good eye so the lazy eye would get used more and consequently become stronger.
Melinda was astounded by the results. For months she went on and on about what a miracle this eye patch treatment was and how her lazy eye was so much stronger now.
In fact, Melinda felt so much better she decided to try the new therapy on the other eye. Made sense. Her reasoning was that since it had helped one of her eyes so much most likely it could help the other. In the end each eye would openly compete one on one to see which could get stronger.
So now goofy Melinda alternates the eye patch and still swears that she can see like an eagle even though with only one eye. After all, why waste good energy using both eyes at once? I thought she might get along with my brainy friend Gerald, but then with Gerald time just ran out.
Gerald and I were in language training together and became friends. He was an intellectual sort of guy with a vast knowledge of history, art, literature and fine foods. He was smart and worldly and I felt in many ways a lot smarter than me.
After finishing training I transferred to California and Gerald remained in Dallas. We spoke by phone every now and then and I was surprised when he called to say he had gotten married. He and his new wife would be in San Francisco over New Years and could we please join them?
We did and met the new lovebirds at an upscale dim sum restaurant in Chinatown. They were already seated and I nearly fell over when I saw them. Gerald was fifty pounds heavier with a double chin and he was seated next to a woman 30 or 40 years older than him. In fact, later I found out she had children older than Gerald. I was stunned.
On a loo break I ask Gerald ‘what’s up, man?’
“Aw, she’s a great cook”, he said patting his belly, “but best of all she has a condo off Westwood. That’s only ten minutes from the office. I don’t see the fact that she is 36 years older than me as an issue. Age doesn’t matter. Her kids all like me and I use a lot less gas now.” Good old Gerald always was a committed environmentalist.
Like my old pal Pat O’Leary used to say, ‘Are we stupid or what?’ Even though Pat was right it remains a rhetorically inane question.
Simply because everybody already knows stupid is us…
Jack D. Deal is the owner of Deal Business Consulting. Related articlesmay be found at http://www.jddeal.com and http://www.freeandinquiringmind.typepad.com
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Welcome the Dating Coach – the New Super Hero of 21st Century Online Dating
The Online Dating Industry is exploding with millions of new members joining every single day. It is estimated that within the next five years, almost 50% of all single adults will use Online Dating Services to meet other singles!
As more and more people use online dating services and dating agencies to help them find their Soulmates, a new specialty service has emerged in the form of an Online Dating Coach. While the online dating sites compile your personal information so they can do the matchmaking, a Dating Coach works directly with the clients to help them establish and develop the relationships which start within the agency. A Dating Coach has the responsibility of helping clients effectively market themselves on the dating site. Essentially, an Online Dating Coach provides personal coaching services to clients so they can put their best foot forward in making contact with the other dating site members.
An Online Dating Coach is a dating specialist who, after interviewing and working with a client and using special coaching assessment tools, will help the client put his or her thoughts, feelings, and values on paper (so to speak) and in doing so create the client’s Online Dating Profile which will be seen by the other members.
In addition to this, an Online Dating Coach will help his clients see how their thoughts and feelings are affecting their dating matches, and will offer guidance and feedback to enhance the client’s likelihood of success. In many cases, a Dating Coach’s clients have been away from the single marketplace for a good number of years. Therefore a bit of rehabilitation is helpful for some clients as a way to familiarize them with 21st century dating practices. A lot has changed in the world of dating in the past ten or twenty years – indeed, even in the past five years have dating rituals evolved!
A Dating Coach usually works by phone, and typically, weekly or twice-a-week telephone coaching sessions are scheduled at the convenience of the client, sometimes after work and occasionally on the weekends. At the beginning of the coaching process, a Dating Coach will do an initial assessment to get the larger picture of what’s occurred in the client’s personal life. During that assessment, the client’s personal values are mined through a series of open-ended questions. This interview sets the stage for the effective coaching sessions that follow.
Ongoing coaching sessions with a Dating Coach may be as simple as meeting by phone for an hour to discuss the men or women you’ve dated over the past week, or they may become as intricate as having your Dating Coach listen carefully while you practice flirting with strangers, or role playing to get ready for “the big night out.”
Perhaps the most important aspect of selecting a Dating Coach is investigating their professional academic credentials. You’ll want to make sure that your Dating Coach has been professionally trained of course. A Dating Coach who has a background in Psychology or Social Work (if not both) can be very helpful in drawing out the qualities of a client’s personality that he or she may not even be aware of themselves. The Dating Coach can then help the client express themselves so their dates have the benefit of their true feelings and personality. As a simplistic but illustrative example, shyness in a person is often mistaken for conceit. The person who seems unfriendly is often just bashful, but this quality may lead to a misunderstanding – especially on a first date. A properly trained Dating Coach can resolve this type of issue by helping the client compensate for his or her shyness and even make it work in their favor.
As with any form of counseling, when you seek the assistance of a Dating Coach, be objective but also look within so you choose someone who sincerely wants to help you. The more your Dating Coach is willing to work with you as his client, the more committed he is to providing the service he’s promised. At the very least, the service of a Dating Coach will help you learn more about yourself and make you more comfortable with the personality you express to the world. Since a large part of dating is your wish to feel good about yourself through the companionship of another, just feeling better about yourself overall will make your life richer for having had the experience of being coached. And feeling better about yourself can easily lead you to the relationship you’ve been dreaming about – and the reason you joined that dating service in the first place!
Jay Reiss is an Online Dating Coach who has worked with more than two thousand clients worldwide! He’ll help you design your Online Dating Profile and show you how to succeed with Online Dating! He offers a free telephone coaching session (a 0.00 value – free!) and has Free Online Dating Advice on his website http://www.online-dating-coach.com